resolution.

i felt as if im into changing, but for the better.
last night, i dont know what went into me. but i have decided to move the smokey mountain out of my room into the garbage bin. guess i just realized how untidy and cluttered is my room. actually, its not really 'my' room. i just slept there, but i dont own it. ughh! whatever.
it was really a mess. my room, i mean. from the papers and used cotton and ballpens and un-eaten chocolates to the bus tickets and candy wrappers, you would really wonder if the person sleeping in the room is still a person.
okay. i admit. im a messy person. sometimes, i cant even throw scratch papers in the bin, thinking that someday, they might still be of use. it may sound weird, but i sometimes think that they get hurt when i throw them away. too childish.
but there are also times when i seem to be obsessive compulsive. is that right? guess so. i mean, there are times when i cant really stand the filthiness and all, making me summon the bin and dispose them all. that's just what happened last night.
i really dont know what's gotten into me. all i remember was myself, lying in the bed, imagining about my love life [a bit exaggerated.] and then standing up and getting the bin. there was really some sort of pressure, heat, energy in the room that makes me sick. and cleaning the room seemed to be the most effective solution. and so it was. when everything was kept and cleaned, peace was restored in the kingdom. *angels began to sing*
actually, i was reflecting on the past events of my life. it feels like i am a loser. a total failure. and i needed a dramatic change. a change for the better. it really feels like all the bad lucks and demons and bad spirits are all locked in the room, along with all the garbage. and so i needed to dispose them out. all the despairs and sadness and bad attitudes went away with the garbage.
actually, all i need was a very motivated start. i have already started with my feet. they were dirty. but i already brushed them. it was really useless to mention the feet. but i guess i have to. sorry.
and then there's the room. i have cleaned it. and im gonna start fresh and clean. it is already conducive to learning.
the last, but definitely not the least, is myself. i have to set myself that i am gonna change for the better. i must have this certain mindset. and i think it works since i have understood the topic we discussed today. and so i hope that this resolution will go on.
and that made me wonder: was the result for 4th math depex has anything to do with all these 'change for the better' thing? hmm.