Friday, January 23, 2009

Reality Kicks

Just when I’m starting to enhance my fashion sense, reality enters the scene and kicks me big time.

No, I am not the type of creature with a tendency to invade the ramp. Nor do I have the killer looks or smile or pose. In fact, I have countless zits invading my façade, cavities tearing down my first tool of digestion, and body structure that seem to have osteoporosis. I am not being humble. I am being honest. Assets? Well, I have the height – not just any other height, but THE height. I think I also have the brain, because I graduated Class Valedictorian with numerous medals and certificates and awards. I am sociable, because despite my inability to look friendly, I still have my friends slash classmates who have such amazing patience, I should say, because they’ve gotten used to me, to my ways and to my personality. I used to live in harmony with all my liabilities, because I thought my assets would somehow compensate these flaws. But there comes a sudden point in your life when you think you’ve had enough of all those stares, of all those murmurs about how out-of-fashion I am, those inferiorities you feel when you’re with “fashion” people, all of these I consider as a defeat. And I hate being defeated. There will always come a point in your life that you can say that intelligence or cleverness, for the first time, wouldn’t count, but your ability to cope with what the society dictates, in this case, fashion and beauty.

I know, I shouldn’t let them get into me blah blah. I know that life is unfair, and that you couldn’t have everything blah blah. But I also know of the saying that ‘If you cant beat them…’ No, I wouldn’t join them, if that’s what you’re thinking. I somehow made minor changes to it, and in my universe, it ends with ‘rule them’. I do not necessarily join them, but lead them, because I’ll become a hybrid. I can be ironic in the sense that I can be an intellectual and the person the society dictates.

So this sudden change in me started just this New Year. You remember what I told you about the inferiority thing? It reaches its maximum when I’m with my sisters. Yep, they are the fashionistas of the family. When we’re together, I look like their driver or boy or something. What, with my bleak appearance and my resistance to conform to the society, who wouldn’t think so? So I was thinking, maybe spending a little on some creams and ‘beauty products’ and some apparels should do the trick. And so I bought this whitening this, and moisturizing that and exfoliating this, and cool that and reversible this. And then it gradually became frenzy. I can’t leave a mall without even visiting those boutiques which I used to despise. I window-shop, yeah,. But there were really times when I could suddenly feel this urge to splurge. After spending, I would feel remorse and start to think why I gave in and stuff.

So you were actually wondering what’s reality got to do with this? Well, simple. I am broke. No, bankrupt. Insolvent. Penniless. Solvent. Whatever you call it. Seems like the universe is playing tricks on me. Now that I’m starting to care about my looks and all it is also the time when I realize that I cannot afford this and that.

Bottom line is that you really can’t have it all. Maybe that’s the reason why we’re given with a brain with two-sides, the right to give empirical reasons to almost everything, and the left-side to compensate what the other can’t explain. So wander, left-part of my brain. I guess I still could be the hybrid in my dreams.

So we actually talked about our future kids. A friend, who we’ll call starting today as Narcissus, opened up this conversation, and he was saying the names of his would-be kids, that they would be twins and that he wouldn’t stop until he doesn’t get one. Unbelievable, I know. I know he’s joking and all, but the thought…

My conservative friend, PurpleHater blurted her concerns on Narcissus would-be wife, “What if she tells you to stop?” And then Narcissus would just say, “So I’ll look for another one.” Unbelievable squared.

Since this is my world, I can only assume that they would really ask me about the names of my kids. To accomplish this mission, they started to joke that I would name my kids Debit or Credit, since I was reading an Accounting Book. N even said I’d name one of my kids Liability. That would be unfair to my child. But I’d like to assume that she is the most beautiful among my kids. And then N added that another child would be named Fully Depreciated. I commented that she would be the most virgin of my kids, and that she would be a nun to prove her chastity. Now I was beginning to think that I am slowly acting as a father, that even before they were born, I am already defending them. Great.

Bu seriously, I really want to name my boy child Johan, pronounced as “yow-han”. Or maybe Raphael, as in “raf-fei-el”. If she would be a she, then maybe Angel.

They say women are better name-picker that males. If by male, they refer to N, then maybe they were right. Otherwise, uhm, I dunno.